The foundation of a team is generosity: people wanting to help and support each other without any immediate, or obvious, return.
This may sound obvious but the amount of effort we expend ignoring this is extraordinary: processes, structures, programs, plans... all the superstructure of collaboration that, premised on improving efficiency, either ignores, presupposes or worse, undermines that fundamental building block of working together.
It's beyond trust because you can be generous with people you don't trust. It means opening your heart and mind to the who they really are, and loving them anyway!
|A story from my life that explains this a bit|
What was really going on had nothing to do with his ability or interest and everything to do with the fact that the people teaching him hadn't really let themselves know him. And to find out what was really going on. What was really going on was that no-one had really gotten interested in the kid and he was at risk of being labelled (by us also!).
To bring it back to work
The ‘superstructure’ of teams is worse than irrelevant if you don't know, and love, the people you are going to work with.
Love means you choose and accept them exactly the way they are and in every way they are not.
Love is the ultimate act of generosity
You may not wish to associate with them outside work. You may only interact because your boss told you to, but if you can't be generous with them as they are and want them to win, you can't work with them in any but the most fragile way.
The foundation of a team is generosity; people wanting to help and support each other without any immediate, or obvious, return.
No-one is playing your game
Most people, most of the time people are not clear and/or present to why they are doing what they are doing so your first and last job is always to be helping people get clear on what's important to them and why they are doing what they are doing and to do THAT you have be super interested in them - and doing THAT we resist like the plague because ladies and gentlemen, that's what love looks like!
Invariably people have a commitment to something bigger than themselves. Your job is to help them get in touch with it and then become their servant in helping them to figure out the best was to achieve it.
These visions can overlap, but the teacher has to know his and empower it if they want to win theirs!
Finding the right questions
The Latin root of the word ‘communication’ is communicare meaning to share or to make common. You actually need to open your heart to someone to communicate. There is no mistake the ‘commune’ and communion’ share the same Latin root.
I often see functional communication held up as evidence that the team communicates. Nope.
In my experience, the levels of structure around teams are usually there to help people avoid getting related and interested in each other!
The critical role of the strawman