One of my sons is struggling with maths at school. I'm sure this is not an common occurrence but, for him, it's been distressing.
Our Role in Creating Shame
The instinct is to focus on the behaviours but it was always the symptom, never the problem.
Expectations are EVERYTHING
My son has resolved for himself that his not bad a maths, he's just struggling with it because it's hard.
Part of this is because transforming your expectations of someone is HARD. By definition, your expectations are built on what you privilege as evidence: "they really ARE that way, their actions prove it":
In essence, you are asking yourself to create expectations that fly contrary to your lived experience. Expectations that accord with the person you want them to become, not the person you already know them to be!
You CREATE the world in your listening
Uninterrupted, her expectations, built on this logic would materially shape my son's future. She was acting a commitment to help him, but in reality, her pre-conceptions we leading her to make choices about which paths were open to him and which ones were not.
She thought she was just DESCRIBING the world around her, but really, she was CREATING it.
If you take this concept to its logical conclusion, you can start to see why the world literally looks the way it does.
Expectations and Climate Change here.
If you've gotten this far - here's the gem of the piece: the MACRO view....
Your (our) Homework